"Seven years in Australia, and that was the craziest thing I've ever seen."

Grape's famous last worlds. Quoted for truth.
Wheee~~
Haven't had a insane karaoke like that in ages. This was Sunday night, little karaoke organised for Grape's farewell. Was good because nowadays the karaokes just aren't the same. More and more they're becoming little sober get togethers where people think its an audition for "Who wants to be a popstar?".

While waiting for the room, this choice asian chick rocks up and I thought "Woohoo! This night's gonna be pretty sweet!"
Until Vic comes along and snakes an arm around her: "Hey Jim!! How you been??"
What a killjoy. Fucking wanker.

Was good because everyone got completely and utterly fucked up. It was hell. Introduced them to a game guaranteed to screw you over backwards. Basically if you lose, you get to make the drink that the next loser has to skol.
This is pretty much an ideal set up if you wanted a scenario where you have alot of cocky male asshats trying out-do one another and exact revenge.
Halfway though the karaoke and the drinks were already a mix of beer, cheap red wine, cruiser drinks, grass jelly and random assorted chips and munchies. Just having one sets off alarm bells in tastebuds and brain.
I nearly died choking on a prawn cracker.

The aftermath was nothing short of spectacular. It was like God himself came and personally shit all over the place. The place was littered with bottles, cans, munchies, ciggarettes, other random trash, not to mention the spew all over furniture, 0.5cm flooded from vomit, and outside; another person threw up in the corridor. Hilarious to re-trace the footsteps CSI style to where the red footprints run stumbling out the room, against the wall, a few backwards steps, a lil drunken dance, into the toilets, and oh-so-close *just* not making it to the bowl.
Feels so sorry for the staff.
i.e Chi-ho. Get another job you dumbass.

Near the end of the night all the other guys were competing to see who can hit the ceiling first with their spraying vomit. They all patted me on the back with their spew-stained hands, commending me on my drinking ability, all the while I'm sitting there smiling smugly, swallowing wave upon wave of vomit in my mouth.

One last note: Why is it that I seem to attract drunk girls? Why is it that when they comatose they flock to me? I blame beer goggles. I have been vomited on and drooled on so many times that I'm gonna start charging dry cleaning bills. The worst offenders are the ones that lay their heads in my lap, and if I'm lucky, I just escape with drool-vomit stains. If not, *BLEEUURGGH* and "Hellooooo fettucini boscaiola".
Bloody unreal.

You can only get away with that if I still find you attractive when you're unconscious and covered in your own filth.
Unfortunately, chances of that are still pretty good.

Jimmy needs to drink with pretty asian girls.
Apply here: Concrete_monkey@hotmail.com

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Found this off some random dude's blog:
http://daynews.ru/index.php?act=show_news&id=939751
Summary: "HAHAHAHA~!!!! PWNED~!!!!!!"

And because I forgot earlier, a shout out to Michael, one of the few bastards older than me.
Happy Birthday Michael, you little, little man.
You will always be my bitch*.




*Standard rates apply.

Mr Winky needs a muzzle.

Gack.. I must be getting old. One big night out and I feel like shit. I even had a semi-hangover this morning. ME. Hangover. Like wtf?? I used to be immune to that shit~!
But thankfully I remember everything from last night so thats abit odd.

Last week was Michaels bday, which was alot of fun, even though it was a sausage sizzle. :/
During dinner for his bday at Makotos, I had one of those moments again where I wish I wish I knew what to do. Was outside near our table having a smoke, and I notice these two asian girls who kept glancing over, which was odd since they were both sober. They kept stealing looks, and at first I thought I was imagining it, but then it got pretty obvious that even Joyce jumped up and told me excitedly.
Gack... even though they were so honkie.. damn, I'd hit em both in a heartbeat. :P
But me being me, had no idea what to do from then on so just ran off cowardly with penis between legs. :(

The rest of the nights a blur in my brain so I just remember a dark karaoke room singing bad enough to make babies cry and then suddenly my memory detours and I'm at a big white restaurant table with a bowl of congee. Why the fuck did you guys get me fish congee? I don't care about preserved egg. Don't pay attention to what drunks say, they'll eat anything.

Seem to be having random wild mood swings. Everything fine and then suddenly I'm down and need a squeeze-thing to hold. Next minute I'm fuckin fantastic and horny enough to root goats.
Its bad. I think its been too long. I touch alcohol and suddenly I'm fuckin randy beyond belief. I'm surprised I'm not in jail yet sometimes its so bad.
If I'm drinking and suddenly get emotional and need a hug, make sure contact is brief.
If not, be careful; I just might be having sex with your pocket.

You have been warned.


Blowjobs are cool.

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OH MY FUCKING GRANDMOTHER~~!!!!!!!!!! >:O

I just dropped my fuckin phone in the cunting toilet~!!!!
FUCK ME GAY NOW ITS DEAD~!!
FARRRKK~~~~~
Why does God hate me so?

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So long Grape.

Finally the two months of babysitting is over. I'm referring to the bastard thats been living at my place for all this time. Nice bloke, just... gack.. No joke bout the babysitting. Making sure he's eaten, fixing his computer, fixing the wireless network, taking him out grocery shopping, driving him to the city, taking him to church... You'd think that someone who's even older than me and has been living on his own for the past 7 years would be a lil more independent. :/ But kinda feel sorry for him... first few nights at my place whenever I walk past his room I just see him sitting on his bed "fa dai" ( staring into space ).
But, he's off to the army now, and soon after that studying to become a Pastor, so Grape, you bastard, wish you all the best and goodluck you dumb sonuvabich.
I'll visit you in Taiwan soon. :)

The dreaded month of June is fast approaching, and I am already feeling the pressure mount. Already starting to do alot of manual labour after work, moving furniture and counters around, and its only going to get worse. Grape's parents and their friends are coming to stay my place on Sat for a week, which means no more days off, cos I'm sending my parents off to a short holiday with them.. and giving my bedroom to some of them to stay in. At least its just for a week I guess.
The renovations are set to begin on Saturday as well, and I still have alot to do before then, most of which I have absofuckinglutely no clue with and its overwhelming me. White hairs have not sprouted yet but I'm checking everyday.

Putting all eggs into one basket is bad. And yet here we are.

If things all go according to plan, then it'll be smooth sailing here on out and I'll be laughing all the way to the bank.
If things don't, ( which IMO, is highly likely. ) then I am Fuct. Completely and utterly raped inside out upside down.

So many paths to take, but which is the right road to success?

I wish I had a "Save" button, like in the video games, where I can save my life now, and then experiment with something. If it works out, huzzah! If not, then I'll just press "Load" and try something else.

...

Strange how you think old feelings are long buried and gone, only to have them resurrect suddenly and unexpectedly. Have they always been back there? Just subdued temporarily? Thinking is this why all this time no girls have that certain.. "air" about them..? That certain quality that puts everything in your life into perspective and all these other problems you thought you had seem so petty?
Theres been alot of attractive ladies around, and there's definate interest in some of them.. but... not like before.. where you get a different reaction inside your chest, as opposed to your crotch.
Jks.
So many regrets of the same thing. And it all keeps coming back to it. Time heals everything; but how much time?

Maybe I just need to meet new people.

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My big brown baby.

Aloha kiddos..
Back again.. after my little absense yet again...
Dunno.. just haven't really been using the net alot lately, apart from at work~ :P
And my little spree of no sleep is finally taking its toll.. I'm finally reverting back to sleeping at 1-2-ish... which is good. Still, I'm quite proud about how long I could withstand sleeping at 4-5am every night and then still making it to work on time~ About two months.. which says alot more about my productivity at work than my stamina~ :P

Life's been pretty routine. Work work work and then come weekend liver abuse.
One gem that I've been missing out on all this time is Verandah bar~!!
Goddamn~! If you haven't been talking to me ( shame on you ) then you missed all the raving and carrying on I've been doing about Verandah bar. Its full of GOLD.
GOLD as in SEX.
Just wandering around with a goofy smile makes the night worth the admission price~ :D

Just a few points why I like the joint:
1. Pretty good music.
2. Packed with asians.
3. Lack of little baby gangstas and co.

Must find more of the same.

Anyways I was taking a dump about a month ago, and it sucked cause I haven't been eating fruits for awhile ( I eat fruit not by choice, but out of necessity ) so as a result it was like shitting rocks.
Rocks that have been cemented together.
But gay thing was, it wasn't like total constipation where they like pebbles and it just spills forth like marbles, there was still some moisture, so it was all packed together.
So I'm sitting there, veins popping outta my fucking face, rectum taut to the point that it feels like it's on the ripping threshold (like an old rubber band, stretches just a bit before snapping), when suddenly, out of the clear blue sky; a thought strikes my mind like bolt of lightning:

"So this must be what its like to be fucked up the ass."
...

Stunned silence for a few seconds...
Then with a scream of rage and an Arnold-esque "GET OWT!!!!" bellow I launched it all out with no regard to personal safety or hygiene.

That was probably the closest thing to giving birth I'd ever get.
And hope to.

True story.

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