ok my last post was abit melodramatic.. but once u start rambling.. it all gushes out n like a tidal wave... i had 2 hold myself back or else it wouldve been even longer~ :|
its abit 2fah but u get the point~ ;)
yes i am an emotional bitch.
scary thing is i'm not even gay...
... i think...
:|
*scared himself*

Prepare 4 rant :|

Haii... I realise that.. my life is in shambles... i just pretty much wander around aimlessly n try 2 find temporary solutions... i hang with friends, go drinking, nething 2 keep me distracted... if i ever stop n start thinking ( heaven forbid ) then reality comes crashing down on me n I hit rock bottom again... I'm spiralling downwards n i cant do nething about it... i have heaps of fun with friends doing random stuf... but at the end of the day... 1 small trigger can just break me down.. im in a constant state of denial... n i dont know whats wrong with me... i feel like a pussy cos every1 else around me is seemingly always happy... sure they feel down every now n then... but no where 2 the extent that im in... they just dont realise because i always project a full happy image when im out... but of late its becoming harder n harder 2 maintain...

I think i found out the reason tho... my life lacks direction... I have no sense of purpose... im not accomplishing nething... i work once a week so i cant start saving money, i got studies but im bludging cos feel like shit n i dont have a girl 2 b with...
U're probably thinking "ooh poor baby no gf, u asshole..." but 2 me its actually really important.. i dont take 2 loneliness 2 well.. not at all.. its been a kinda phobia ever since i was a kid... long story... ask me 2 explain when u c me when i have time.. but yea due 2 sum past experience i dont take loneliness 2 well... when i had Lisa... she *was* my life... she was my reason 4 being...

N now... I'm lost... just drifting along... finding temporarily solutions... 2 distract me from reality...
I'm in a hole n i dont know how 2 climb out of it.. n its slowly eating me inside...

Heres an email i got awhile back.. n was readin thru it again... n haii... i agree wit so much of this it aint funny.... this guyz a legend... hahaha.. he nailed the nail rite on the head wit da last sentence.. its abit lengthy so just bare with it if u haven't seen it b4...
Garret Hols... we salute u~!!



NICE GUYS FINISH LAST
>
>By: Garrett Hols
>
>It's amazing that assholes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it,
>
>it's not that amazing. They are assholes at heart, but to meet girls they
>
>lavish their undying love. IT'S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they
>
>listen... until they get into what they're after. Their prey thinks they are
>
>in love with them, however when they realize what assholes their predators
>
>really are, they pretend like the asshole is really nice inside. The girl
>
>tries to change the asshole into a nice guy, but assholes will always be
>
>assholes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the
>
>asshole. But she claims to love the asshole... now this is where the theory
>
>begins. She doesn't want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the
>
>asshole right away, instead she will stay with the asshole. Girls are
>
>idiots. They don't realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He
>
>never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally
>
>like that. However, girls don't see it for some reason or another. They look
>
>at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their
>
>sad story to about their asshole boyfriend. But the nice guy isn't THAT
>
>naive. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The
>
>problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get
>
>attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as
>
>a friend. A FRIEND. They don't say, "Oh he's hot" or "I want to have his
>
>children" about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When
>
>they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don't need it from
>
>the asshole. The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the asshole
>
>gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really
>
>the route to take to get action... I have been down this path for all of my
>
>post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE... at least not in the
>
>women department. Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the asshole is
>
>because assholes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, "Why isn't
>
>he paying attention to me?" so they explore why. They poke and prod and get
>
>closer to the asshole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get
>
>closer. The asshole finally says, "I've let this beauty dangle long enough,
>
>time to boat this bass". It is then he puts on his charade and the girl
>
>feels like she has won him... even thought all she has won is an asshole.
>
>Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a "listener" you can't
>
>turn back. The girl will always go after the assholes because there are
>
>always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you are a "listener"
>
>you cant do anything about it... just pack up and close shop. There is no
>
>way you will get into her pants... ever. There is and never will be a
>
>situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just
>
>doesn't work like that. The girl wont "come to her senses" and realize what
>
>an asshole her boyfriend is like in the movies... instead she will just go
>
>after another asshole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never
>
>go after you. Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world.
>
>Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice
>
>guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren't looking for nice guys... they say they are
>
>but they're not. They are looking for the perfect asshole, but there is NO
>
>SUCH THING as the perfect asshole. All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft.
>
>To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don't treat you with
>
>respect, that don't listen to you, and that don't care about you I say this;
>
>look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time
>
>is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your asshole to be
>
>like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself... because he has
>
>listened to it all.

( i made up the spelling.. bleh~ shut up. i know spelling wrong.. but this way *everyone* can read it... just read what u see...

English: "U're so purdy... come home with me..."
Mando: "Ni hao keh ai... gung wor hwei jia..."
Canto: "Lei ho leng... gung ngor fun ok... "
Jap: "Kimmi ka wai ne~~ uchi ni oide yo..."

was tryin 2 learn the korean version yesterday rather unsuccessfully.. the girl teachin me spoke out all this random jibber like she had a mouth full of marbles... haha.. goddamn korean is hard~ <:)
i'll just stick 2 my "Yooke jang" n "bim bip bap"... :D~~

mm... hungry now~ :)

Hey boys n girls~! Due 2 popular demand Jimbo the wonderful dancing monkey is back again~!!! REJOICE~!!!
in other words i have finally figured out my password 4 this fuckin thing after a yr n a half of intensive pondering~!! :D :D

so yea no worries... im back here 2 entertain ur dull.. dull... oh so very dull lives with my sad n bitter existance~!

i've been reading thru this thing again.. cos i've 4gotten all about it.. n goddamn do i ramble heaps?? n r u guyz ( hehe.. "guyz"... thats me pretending that there actually r ppl reading this thing~ :) ) having as much difficulty as i am trying 2 read thru all my lazy abbreviations n shit? such as "2" for "to" n "4" for "for"? i even saw a "cing" 4 "seeing".. omg what was i thinkin??

enuf rambling monkey~!! neways... yea me is back cos my life has hit yet another huge mother fuckin pothole ( did sum1 say pot?? :D ).. n yea... this distracts me from the sad, disturbing not 2 mention unhygienic life that i have~ :)