Prepare 4 rant :|

Haii... I realise that.. my life is in shambles... i just pretty much wander around aimlessly n try 2 find temporary solutions... i hang with friends, go drinking, nething 2 keep me distracted... if i ever stop n start thinking ( heaven forbid ) then reality comes crashing down on me n I hit rock bottom again... I'm spiralling downwards n i cant do nething about it... i have heaps of fun with friends doing random stuf... but at the end of the day... 1 small trigger can just break me down.. im in a constant state of denial... n i dont know whats wrong with me... i feel like a pussy cos every1 else around me is seemingly always happy... sure they feel down every now n then... but no where 2 the extent that im in... they just dont realise because i always project a full happy image when im out... but of late its becoming harder n harder 2 maintain...

I think i found out the reason tho... my life lacks direction... I have no sense of purpose... im not accomplishing nething... i work once a week so i cant start saving money, i got studies but im bludging cos feel like shit n i dont have a girl 2 b with...
U're probably thinking "ooh poor baby no gf, u asshole..." but 2 me its actually really important.. i dont take 2 loneliness 2 well.. not at all.. its been a kinda phobia ever since i was a kid... long story... ask me 2 explain when u c me when i have time.. but yea due 2 sum past experience i dont take loneliness 2 well... when i had Lisa... she *was* my life... she was my reason 4 being...

N now... I'm lost... just drifting along... finding temporarily solutions... 2 distract me from reality...
I'm in a hole n i dont know how 2 climb out of it.. n its slowly eating me inside...