Michael you dirty bastard, what have you done???
Picked up my computer from him about 1-2 weeks ago? Leeched 45+ gigabytes worth of anime from his computer, and I've been trying to get through them all in under a month. I've had average 4-5 hours a sleep a day, crawling to work and sending my coffee dude's kids through university. He has tears of gratitude in his eyes everytime he sees me now.

Even though I'm completely fuckin buggered at work... feels good sometimes. Like good ol uni days, when you don't hit the sack til the crack of dawn. I'm suffering the consequences at work but beh. Decided it was a good idea to stay up til 8.30am on sunday. Thought it would maximise the use of my day off. Forgot about the needing to sleep part so woke up 4pm monday wasting day off anyways. I is so clever.

With that note I'm going to launch into:

The Wonderful Dancing Monkey's driving tips for fucking asswipes~!!!! *Applause*

1. If you drive slow ( i.e legal speed limit or heaven forbids, slower ), stick to the left lane. I don't care if the left lane is empty, if I'm faster than you, move to the left. I am stubborn and I like my right lane, you're slow and belong on the left. If someone is faster than me I also move to the left, and then switch back. Changing lanes is not that difficult. Do it.
Ass.

2. The exception to the above rule is if there is an even slower car in front of you. If there are cars in front of me and no one can go no where, do not tail gate me. I can't go anywhere, and if you piss me off, I can and will hit the brakes.

3. Do not cut me. If you cut me, you better run cause I got 3.5L under the hood and I'm extract every millilitre chasing you down and cut you right back.

4. Don't change into my lane in front of me if you're going to drive slower than me. Pointless. I'd just force you to go back into the left lane or keep up with my speed.

5. Check your blind spots. Hello! Yes I'm here!

Theres plenty more but I'll just leave you with one final tip:

6. If I slow down and let you in when you want to change lanes, if its obvious that I'm letting you in, wave thank you. It does not take much effort at all. You can tail gate me, you can cut me, you can drive like an absolute crack whore, but if you wave thank you, I'd be forgiving about it. This is the biggest crime people commit on the roads. Waving thanks is so easy, yet hardly any people do it. It takes the least effort to do, yet it means so much to the person behind you. Even when I'm on the teetering edge of madness, thinking how to get my hands on some piranhas to throw at your face, I'll forgive you, however begrudgingly.

Study these notes well, young padawan, for they may save your ass from road rage in the near future.

Now to visit ebay for some piranhas.
Ninja piranhas.

Wa-tao!

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