Yes. I do wish my girlfriend was as hot as you.

The clip for Pussycat Doll's "Don't cha" is mesmerising. I can't get the lead singer out of my head. Its on constant replay in my mind.
So. Fucking. Hawt. And everyone knows for gweilo thats saying alot coming from me.
I sit through entire countdowns with the asshats Andrew G and James just to see that damn clip. Like an addiction, going through so much pain and torture just to get my hit.

She looks scary and violent. I can picture her kicking my ass bloody and I'll be sprawled on the floor with an outstretched hand:
"... want.. to.. touch.. the hiney...".

I'm a big sucker for girls with eyes slightly tilted upwards.
And any girl that can pull off a ponytail gets extra brownie points.


My sister recently bought a Chihuahua. Seems more like she paid 400 bucks for a giant rat.
Its tiny. I can fit her whole head inside my mouth. I know this because I tried.
It lives in a sock. With room to spare.

Here are some random pictures of the pets:


She fits in my hand.


.. and my pocket.


Realised I've never posted pictures of my dog.


.. and here's why.



My birthday cake, from Nat and Yooke. Made from three Twix bars, 200 marshmallows and 7 kilograms of icing sugar.
Tasted like cavities.

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Look at me look at me look at me!

Most of you should know by now that there was a meeting for about 35o CEOs from around the world yesterday afternoon at the Opera house, and also a protest of what was supposed to be a 10 000 strong protest group.

In truth 500 is already very generous. Most of them didn't seem know what they were protesting about any more than I do. Raving on about random things, jumping from anti-globalisation to Aboriginal land to war in Iraq.

It was only until today when they all congregated in front of my store in daylight that I saw why it was such a pathetic protest. Today there were only about 100 people; most of them young hooligans and goths, sporting dreadlocks, mohawks and shit for brains. The police were abit of an overkill, vastly outnumbering them with walls of coppers and dozens of mounted police.

Seems to me they were rebelling for the sake of rebelling.

Another bit of news of the day: Mr Rudy Giuliani came into my store with three "don't fuck with me" looking bodyguards. He managed to escape with his wallet unscathed. Fucker.

So far that I know of we've had:
Treasurer of Indonesia,
Princess of Japan,
Bill Clinton,
Some dictator or such from some part of Africa,
Many a random politicians from China and Taiwan,
Keanu Reeves,
and Sylvester Stallone's mother. Heh.

Pity the only one with photo is Keanu Reeves.

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Whaapern?

Again my birthday went past in a flash. I haven't been able to recall any birthday parties since my 21st. I haven't received any messages of "OMG GUESS WAT U DID LAST NITE!!!" nor is my crotch any itchier than normal so I'm going to assume it was a good night.

First off before I forget anymore.

Happy Birthday Pat.

Celebrated a few weeks past by Verandah bar and Karaoke. How typical. But if you're onto a good thing....
Verandah bar didn't disappoint as usual. Fuckin funny as hell as always. Probably due to the fact that I'm always off my head and laughing at everybody and everything. Fact: Pat's no fun around Yooke. Shamefully sober and just stood around really like a piece of furniture really. Karaoke was good, although messy. Many MANY casualties that night. Pat redeemed himself by drinking heavily ( I think ) and Tessa as usual is violent, scary and annoying when drunk.
Getting used to it. At least I managed to fight her off and send her aggression to Michael. The poor lil bugger.
Those two nights I spent in my car. Both times woke up scared and no idea where the hell I was.

Big Jen's farewell / Cousin's birthday.

Was already drinking heavily before met up with Big Jen, because I was with cousins at karaoke ( K square, which reminded me of sum seedy drug den or brothel, not that I'd know of course. ).
Big Jen's farewell was shit. Trekked all the way with Chog to Bungalow 8 from Capital Square only to find that half the people were barred from entry. Members started trickling away into the night as we made our way to Home bar so that everyone could get in and by then I had to bail.
Bailed with Phil and Wilma to their friend Claudia's birthday and DAMN does she know some honeys! FUCK. It was a hunting ground in there. Guys running around frothing at the mouth and attacking free for all. Whored Chog off to random girls while we were there.
For all his talk he does jack shit.

My Birthday.

Don't actually remember much. I was drunk for so damn long. It was a bloody marathon. Usually you drink steadily until your body gives up and launches your dinner out through your nose, but I decided to tone down the drinking abit this year.
To a certain extent. So instead of being outright demolished, I drifted around the house half the night just borderlining K.O. Everytime I recover abit somebody shoves another drink in my mitt with a slurred "GUN BEI!" ( bottoms up ).

One bbq bit the dust before it even started, thanks to incompetent pyros. You're meant to fan the flames til the coal is glowing, then spread them. Jebus. Spent hours trying to revive that fire while I sent others to cook on my gas BBQ. Gas BBQs. Its just not the same without some good ol fashioned carceninogenic ash. Like mum used to make.

Yooke and Nat baked me a cake. I'll show pics later but somehow they thought a pink poodle was appropiate. Last year I told them to buy me a fridge. And they actually did. This year I shouted at Nat to bake me a cake.. and I got that too ( Although I also told her to do my laundry. ).
Next year I'm asking them to find me some vagina.

The boys. Faithful, loyal boys. Came, ate and then bailed straight away cause of some chick. Bastards. Not that I wouldn't do the same. Although next year I'm gonna crazy glue tongs in their hands and duct tape them to the grill.

Don't remember much after cake to tell you the truth. Just... very dizzy for ... very long. Stu AKA "Spike" lives up to his name yet again by spiking every drink that I had when I wasn't paying attention. It got suss when my "Bourbon and coke" looked more like Fanta.
Its always fun to swallow gushes of vomit after every sip.

Other notes:

• So many pussies refused to drink although my loyal family ko'ed quite willingly.
• My pug shit double his body weight the next day.
• Got kissed by someone who had *just* finished throwing up. Oily goodness.
• Nearly broke my back playing "The stick game".
• I think I wrestled with someone and almost threw up on them. Not sure if I dreamt that though.

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Ugh.

Having one of those moments... where you were demolished the night before and don't remember jack shit... hoping you didn't do anything stupid.

Just woke up. Its 6pm and I'm still light headed. The little hanging flap of meat at the back of my mouth is swollen like crazy, which is odd because I'm pretty sure I was only drinking alcohol.
Did I accidently take some poor girl's spiked drink?

I don't remember the club at all. The only flashes of memory I have is me stumbling around the streets by myself blind and lost. I'm also pretty sure I was lying on the street ko'ed at a few different places. God knows where.

They wanna drink and sing karaoke at my place tonight. So not looking forward to it.
But its for Magra's birthday so I can't dog her.

I'm getting old.

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Don't babysit people's lives.

This is a long overdue rantfest over the new proposed laws to ban smoking in clubs and bars by July 2006. Right now there is a partial ban ( starting from 4th July 2005 ) where only 25% of the venue's floorspace can be allocated as smoking areas.

This is fucking rubbish.

I go to bars and clubs to chill out, wind down after work, to relax with a few drinks and ciggarettes. The vast majority of people who are regular to the night scene share the same view.
Don't argue that its unhealthy and it should be banned to stop people from smoking. It is up to the individuals choice. Don't fucking give me the "holier than thou" attitude and decide for "my own good". Rock fishing is one of the worlds most dangerous sports. Lets ban that too.

All you non-smokers out there who are rejoicing and basically saying "tough luck" to people like me don't seem to realise that this is above just banning smoking.
Yes I am a smoker, and it personally affects me so I'm bitter, but thats not why I'm ranting about this issue.

Its about choice. Right now, there is a choice. Before there were smoking venues and non-smoking venues. Even now after the new laws, at all venues there are smoking areas and non-smoking areas. They plan to ban smoking indoors, period. Just because you don't agree on my lifestyle don't force me to adopt yours. Yes its unhealthy, yes studies show it affects others passively, but you have a choice to stay in non-smoking areas. Idiots claim that although there are allocated non-smoking areas and venues, the majority of people are at the smoking places, so therefore they are "forced" into joining.

This is like going to a party, where you have a group of 10 friends that like to drink, but three of them don't drink. The three friends want to come to the party as well, but they don't like being around people that drink heavily and fool around. So they bitch and whine and they get their way, to stop the eight others from drinking.
How unfair and selfish is that?
You might argue that the example of 7/10 is warped, as the majority of Australians are non-smokers ( approx 30% Australians are smokers, but that number is declining ). This is true but the majority of the night scene regulars are smokers. A survey by the Australian Hotels Association shows there already has been a downturn of trade by 20%. 88% said that they'll consider a staff reduction. ( "Smokers feel the squeeze"- Smh.com.au 20 July 2005 )

I'll give another example of what I mean when I say the majority overall are not necessarily the majority in each circumstance. Parks and beaches all over the state more and more rules applied each year because of whiners. No rollerblades, no skateboards, no ball games, no alcohol, no frisbees, no pets, no bicycles... the list goes on. The majority of people that actually regularly go to the beach or park either enjoy these things or have no problem with the stray frisbee or people with dogs running around. But its the people that don't go to these things often that will bitch and cry because they want to sit there in their own perfect little world.

Those rules don't personally affect me, but I am still against them. I do not believe that just because I don't necessarily like footballs kicked around near me while I'm at a park or beach, I am going ban these activities.

Australia is becoming a great big nanny state where the government conforms to whatever issue people whine about. Its simply swinging whichever way they think will get them the most brownie points. Just look at all the rules and regulations that are creeping into every aspect of life. It won't be long until it affects your life too.

One of my greatest concerns are if you apply the ban to certain things that people may not like you are inviting a whole new series of regulations into consideration. Recently there was an article in the Sydney Morning Herald that said research shows that the music played in clubs are too loud, risking damage to the patron's hearing. They want to limit the volume of all music played in bars and clubs in NSW too. Hope you're all satisfied.

If this attitude keeps up, Australia'll become the new Singapore. Oral sex and bubblegum are illegal there too.

Whiners and bitches rejoice.
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"Double-u-tee-eff?"

Little snippets of interesting conversations:

Jimbo: "WTF"
Spike*: "Yea no joke. She has it down there. He fucked her, and then she sucked him off. Voila! Yeast infection of the mouth."

Jimbo: "So is it like: 'UUURRRGGGGUEEERRAAAAARRRGGHH~~!!!... Ok now my turn!' ?"
Creepy eyed gay guy*: "It gets better with training."

C*: *Gives the finger*
Little black gay boy*: "Oh darling I can take more than just one finger now~"

1. Lost boy*: "I dunno.. Her pants were down and I was starin at it... didn't really know what to do.. kinda poked at it..." *shrugs*

2. Lost boy*: "Whats foreplay?"

Jimbo: "Yea its a terrible condition, but luckily us asians don't suffer much from it. Thank fucking God."
Cute little asian girl in Taiwan*: "I have black nipples."

Ricepot*: "Of course not on fucking purpose~! We were doing it without a condom, shes on top, and then just as I was about to finish she pulls me out and jerks me off. My mouth was open and FUCK... Who knew it'd shoot so far?!"

Greasy asian leb*: "No I'm serious! Pot fucks you up man, in ways you don't even think of. Good mate of mine, smokes that shit 24/7. Now he doesn't spoof when he comes!!"

Fob girl: "Ugh. I swear I don't mind if I never have sex again."
Fob girl's boyfriend: *Covers face* "Shame~"

These quotes were brought to you by Smirnoff.

*Names changed to protect the innocent.
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IMA GUNNA EAT YOUR PET

Fucking shithead drivers in Sydney. Monday while having birthday dinner for Tessa ( Happy birthday btw ), some fucknut scraped the side of my car. I don't how they did it, cause it wasn't as if they reversed into it or ran into it while parking, just kinda.. slid into the side. When describing what happened to friends, it was pointed out that I kept referring to the driver as "she" unconsciously. My bad.

BUT I have a witness. He left a note on my car with the other cars license plate, and his phone number if I needed a witness. After talking him to abit to find out the details, he said it was a woman driver. *Sigh* He said their friend ( whom they were picking up ) just looked at her car, looked at mine, and then they all got the hell outta there.

There are thankfully no dents or major scrapes, just a few rubber markings and little scratches. If she had left a note explaining what happened, I wouldn't have minded, would've just let it be cause it can all be buffed out for less than $100.
But because she ran off like a dickhead, I have filed a report with the cops so now not only does she receive a fine for "Leaving the scene of an accident", but I'm going to get my whole car buffed and detailed for an additional $400 at her expense.

I bet she's asian too.
Hehe.. Just kidding..
Well, no not really.

Hurt my baby and I'll screw you over backwards.

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The games we play.

Its been awhile again, but thats cause of the new shop is finally open, which still doesn't have internet. I didn't realise how much I rely on the net to get me through the day, and now work is draining my soul away. Been working 6-7 days a week and my hours have also been extended (10am-8.30pm) with no additional pay at all. Yippee.

In these past few weeks, I've been through *so* many counselling sessions with my friends... all because of women. Theres so much to say and so much of it really bothers me, because I'm getting more and more worried about whether or not there are any sane girls out there.

One particular gripe ... how shallow minded some of these girls are.

I hate it when I hear a girl complain how her boyfriends getting so boring these days, how he's always at work etc.
I hate it when they get romanced off by some dickhead, spewing out cheesy lines and cheap gifts, because thats easier to see than the love and dedication the first guy offers behind the scenes.
I hate it when they never see reality, they think life is all fun and games, never realising that life's a bitch.
I just hate it when they are blind to how much their boyfriend cares and argue over stupid tiny things that don't even mean anything.

I could go on, but then it'll take days to load up my blog.
I really don't see it when girls/women go on about how "Women mature faster than men.".

At the moment, just can't be fucked with all the headaches associated with women. Just so sick of these stupid little games... but deep down I still really miss having someone there...

Which prompted me to adopt a new strategy:
Start masturbating to granny porn, dead kittens, Kevin Bacon.
Do it so much that my brain starts associating sex with filth and disease.
Hopefully the next time my feelings grow for a certain girl I'll start dry retching.

E.g Jerk off to this bad motherfucker:


*fap-fap-fap-*
...
*GAG*

Happy Birthday Jean and Sandy

Wow.. Its been awhile, so let me just try to be lazy and blitz through current news.

Last week had a surprise birthday for Jean, courtesy of her hunky but queer boyfriend James.

• Heard James speak viet for the first time; reaffirm doubts of his heterosexuality.
• I walk on ice faster than I skate. An asian girl laughed and smiled at my antics. She was ugly. I hobbled away.
• Andy is too shy to talk about faeces, sex, periods or household appliances.
• James is the world's most expensive prostitute. Entry fee into his ass a staggering "ONE BILLION DOLLARS". *pinky to mouth*
• Jean is still annoying when she drinks.

I don't remember what I did for the rest of that week. So instead of worrying I'm going to pretend I stayed home and hibernated.

Last Friday night was Sandy's 21st. I'll be lazy again.

• Sandy has many, many non-single asian friends. YAY.
• One of her friends sorta looked like Jessica Alba, who was cursed with the name "Bernie".
• Free booze = Responsibilities be damned!
• Roxy bar has the shittest DJ this side of Mexico.
• The dance floor was deserted cept for Zi and some gweilo facing each other, dancing frantically. Was egging Zi on to jump into breakdance and finish off with a "You got served!"
• Scored mad brownie points with the guys by standing up and not backing down to some random fuckwit hobo at the pool table. I actually headbutted Bubba, and not one single potential mate witnessed it. Thats so fucked up.

I was drunk which if you've been following my blog means: sexually frustrated, which in turn means: SO ANGRY.

What I want to know is... where were the rest of you guys?? Don't let an asian stir up shit with ANYBODY one on one~!! We're renowned for our mass gankings and here you are, letting me start shit with a dude that looks he can pummel me into a squishy pulp? Especially since if bouncers intervened even just a few seconds later than they did, I might not be here telling this story right now.

This weekend has been Sandy's 21st, and then Tom's bday, which was celebrated with two nights of karaoke, Saturday at my place and then Greenbox on Sunday. Saturday was just run off the mill drunken goodness but Sunday has some new controversy for extra excitement. Don't think its a good idea to get into it but just... so disappointing. Not even angry. Just disappointed... and frankly a little ashamed of the particular person.

The Gossip radio has been going fucking haywire lately with sum fucked up shit, and I'd share some of the more decent stuff in a later post.

Chao~

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Get out of town

Ack. Not meaning to be rude but goddamn these guests have got to go. I have been deprived of my cable internet for about two months, and now this previous week I had to share my room with my parents... and I'm only finally falling asleep when I collapse outta fatigue cos of all the tom-foolery going on downstairs.

The shitty old man's been carrying on with all his friends downstairs for the past week, living it up, playing mah jong, smoking cigars, drinking expensive wine and whisky, staying up not worrying about work cause good ol Jimbo's got things covered.

I'm in bed, face twitching, veins popping and every now and then I go to the top of the stairs and yell at them "Keep it down! Some of us have work the next day!!". Then they'll shush each at other and giggle while saying to my Dad: "Man.. you really need to get your own place..". Then after about 5 minutes they'll start getting rowdy again.

And when they actually do go to bed, its not much better. My top floor is host to 10 asian oldies, youngest being about 127 years old. Their collective snoring scores at least a 6.3 on the Richter scale. They could've at least bought their daughters along with them. Shitheads.

Actually its not that bad really, once their snoring gets into the same frequency. Kinda like being lulled to sleep inside a giant 747 jumbo.

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